Running Through the Trenches / by The Black Lex Luthor

In all, I feel that this time I have spent here in the Northwest has been challenging and top of that, stimulating. This is some intense stuff, you dig? I mean, I have gone through love challenges, relationships, and bullshit. All of it so necessary. But still, where do I go from here? Marriage is surely a next step, a possibility, but will it pull it all together and make everything solid? Don't know, but I can say that I am in need of answers. It's scary not knowing what to become, or where to turn. Becoming the best of oneself is the next phase, but how is that done? How can I see through to being more than I am?

I write on this constantly, but I have never really come up with the answer. Maybe it's just walking the path, trying to get to the being. In my head, I know what I would like to become, but it doesn't always work out. "You don't know where you goin' when you lost.", says GURU. And that's real. Maybe I am lost. Maybe God will give me the chance to find myself. I need to know how to be happy. I mean really happy. I think that I suffer this because I haven't given myself the chance to see the real me. I talk all this smack about being "above" all this nonsense in the world, but I'm wrapped up tightly in the shit, wound up like a toy car. But I will figure it out. That is gives me integrity. I have the ability to look at one side and step back to contemplate the other. I stay true, with honor, and I will take one for the team. I will be the one who gives it all up for truth, because it is more precious than gold.

Here me know, man, I ain't no stupid ass dude. I may be a bit confused, but I will not regret my life. I must do the best to make sure I am happy. I won't be my uncle. I won't be my pastor. I won't be my pop, either. I will be Marcelle in all of this. I will establish my own individuality, and become a productive member of society.

Peace, and all the rest go mad.